haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
