how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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