I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
