I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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