Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
