I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
