you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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