what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
