Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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