Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
farters have to be the big spoon...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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