Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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