you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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