What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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