They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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