I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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