Say something about gay babies.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
