Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
