I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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