hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
