We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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