Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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