i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I want a musical about memes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
