and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
