chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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