I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Bring me that man meat
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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