you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
