at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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