She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
