I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
