Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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