So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
