He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
