walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
