He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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