Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
