I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
