WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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