shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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