I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
