The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
