Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
