So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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