Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
