Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
