there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
