Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I intend to get homeless drunk
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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