Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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