A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
