Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
