Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
