Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
