I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
