You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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