I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
