Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
