Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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