operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
