Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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