Cold hands, warm shart.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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