You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
