I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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