i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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