I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
