My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My bed smells like the plague
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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