Pappa wants mamma naked
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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