they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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