i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
