Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
