Moan for me like Helen Keller
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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