please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
