fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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