i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
