Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
